i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
