I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
