those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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