How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
