how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
