Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
