Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just found puke in my bra..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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