3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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