I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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