I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
