I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
