I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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