I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
