The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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