I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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