Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
