apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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