Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
that's an acceptable place to lick
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
