Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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