I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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