Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
