Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
