my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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