Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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