If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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