I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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