Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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