took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
