Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Are my feet made of real feet?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
