so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
