pedialite and red bull = repair kit
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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