You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
