She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
