I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
