drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
