in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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