Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
