How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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