I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
