Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
