you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
