I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
