You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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