On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
