i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
