im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
