you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
