they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
