Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Randomize
