theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
