It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
