did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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