How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
