Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
