Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
