This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
