The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
