i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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