I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize