Pants 0. Shit 1.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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