3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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