So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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