It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
