I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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