the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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