just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
