she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
