How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
