there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
