I puked a lego.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
