Don't you send me to vm
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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