my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
