I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
