You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
